Yes, indeed. I have been absent.
I wish I could say I have been busy...and I have...but that wouldn't be a real excuse. I think what's to blame is Netflix. :D It's AMAZING.
Anyway...the best update of all...I'm going to UH's MFA program in the fall. ?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!! WHAT?! OMG! WHAT?!
Yes, that is all. Very excited and very terrified, but feeling incredibly happy about it all.
I've been interviewed by someone at UST's PR dept. about myself! They will try to get the article into Houston Press! Indeed! Here are the questions! Exclamation! Exclamation!
I understand you've recently had a battle with anorexia. Can you tell me a little bit about that experience and how you overcame it? What have you learned from that difficult time?
My struggles with anorexia nervosa began when I was fourteen. It was a result of many different things. In a big way, I used the disorder as a way to isolate myself from the world, and to build my own world I felt safe in. I made my own laws, my own expectations, my own social stigmas--for myself. I think it was my way of telling everyone: something isn't right. A lot of things were going on in my family at the time, and I was still expected to be perfect and successful, most of all by myself. I viewed my family as putting me, a baby, in a room and telling me, "Learn how to walk--I'll be back in a while to see how successful you were." My mother always expected only the best from me. But, it's harder to continue to be successful as you get older because the challenges you face are more difficult. Though I did want to isolate myself because I was so terrified of failure, I also felt the need to be known for achievement. Almost in an Emily Dickinson-esque kind of way--I wanted to be able to hide and later be discovered as a creative genius. I had always been successful in school and my extra curricular activities growing up, and as I grew older I wanted to continue to push that envelope--I wanted to be the most amazing girl in the world at fourteen. But how does anyone even do that? I felt out of control, and what started out as a simple little diet turned into a realization: I could control lots of things with food. It was exciting to be able to change such a grand system as my body--the body is a very complicated thing, but even at fourteen years old I was able to alter it in any way I wanted.
I took a stand against the anorexia nervosa by realizing that being 30-40 pounds underweight and terrified of food wasn't accomplishing anything at all. I wasn't amazing, I was dying. I couldn't do anything outside of my rigid routine of minuscule meals and exercising and self-deprivation. I wasn't writing at all, because I had no energy to write, and because I knew no one wanted to read a zillion poems about me not eating. It's not that I wanted the energy to experience things worth writing about, like climbing mountains or becoming a prima ballerina, it's that I wanted the energy to write about anything at all. I just wanted the energy to be able to write well.
What do you enjoy most about being an RA on campus? How long have you been on residence life staff?
I've been on Res Life for two years, both years I was an RA. Like I said before, I tend to isolate myself when I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed, so being an RA has forced me to not jump to isolation at the sign of any danger. As an RA, I can't isolate myself by any means; it's my job to interact with my residents and build community through hall events. The Res Life staff at UST is so supportive, and they've helped mold me into the person I am today, someone who is not as terrified of failure or connecting with others. It's such a positive environment that praises you not only on your accomplishments but also on the kind of person you are when you wake up in the morning. My staff and residents don't expect me to be perfect, just determined and hopeful.
What are your plans after graduation?
I'm attending University of Houston's MFA Creative Writing program in the fall--I will be concentrating in poetry.
Looking back on your time at UST, how would you describe it?
I would describe it as a transforming experience. I arrived here very much in the midst of my eating disorder. I talked to very few people my freshman and sophomore years. When I became a part of Res Life, suddenly my world exploded and I was thrust into a very normal lifestyle with no room for my own rituals or tendencies. This was very good for me, and with all the energy and activity I was able to reevaluate my passions and pursue them with a vengeance; it seemed as if a lot happened in a very short period of time: suddenly I was changing my major to English, cranking out poetry, and applying to MFA grad programs. The entire time I received nothing but support from everyone around me at UST.
You wrote for Laurels and won 2 poetry awards. What were those awards for?
The two awards were English departmental awards for Creative Writing--one is awarded each semester for poetry and for fiction. I won the poetry award two semesters for a small collection of my poetry.
What kinds of topics do you write about with poetry?
I am a confessional poet, and my poetry's principle themes are loss, mother-daughter relationships, religion, and today's standards of the woman's body and sexuality. I would describe the speakers of my poems, all of whom are manifestations of myself or people I know, as being haunted by their past, present, and future. I've been told many of my poems seem quite foreboding and menacing. I hope I can also inject some beauty into them, too!
Is that something you want to continue doing after graduation?
Yes. Poetry fascinates me, and I'm eager to see how far I can push my poetic. I think it will be interesting to see what direction[s] my poetry takes as I get older, I'm still coming to know who I am apart from the anorexia nervosa every day. Sometimes I feel I'm in a stage of my poetic where I'm still very angry and questioning of all that surrounded my disorder and my world as I was/am growing up. In the future I may continue to be predominately confessional, or that might change. But I have never felt as invigorated as I do when I read and write poetry, and I want to continue along that path.
Are you Catholic?
No.
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